


The Liam Verse, New Chapter Added

by Karfraegh18



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-19
Updated: 2009-09-03
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8695825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karfraegh18/pseuds/Karfraegh18
Summary: Summary: Jared and Jensen have two children, set in nine years time...





	1. Paddling in the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Liz didn’t really know where to start, “Jared, I would normally wait until Jensen was here as well but can we talk”

 

Jared looked up from the pile of sable fur and small child he was currently rough housing with, his eyes full of laughter, Jamie using his distraction to leap at him, his hands curling into long hair, an Indian whoop as he got one up on his dad.

 

“Sure” Jared said, disentangling small sticky hands and pushing himself to his feet, tossing Jamie on the couch and pushing him back with tickles and twists until the eight year old was begging for mercy. “What’s up?” he had only been home ten minutes, his bags dropped at the door, falling into the arms of his energetic older son with grateful enthusiasm, it had been a long two weeks, too long to be away from Jensen, too long to be away from Jamie and Liam.

 

“I made coffee” Liz said softly and Jared followed her into the kitchen, leaving Jamie with the dogs, both of them, both Deefur and Scribble more interested in Jamie and his magic cookie giving fingers than Jared. When that happened Jared would often think back to the days when it was Jensen he had to fight for the attentions of Harley and Sadie, it reminded him of then, made him smile.

 

Jared virtually inhaled the first cup, grabbing two cookies from the side and sliding onto a chair at the breakfast bar with a fresh cup. He couldn’t see Liam, assumed he was at a playmates, Liz was an awesome nanny and arranged play dates, networked with mums when Jared or Jensen couldn’t, she was as much a part of their testosterone filled family as the dogs.

 

“I don’t know how to start this” she said softly, biting her lip, like she did whenever she got nervous. Jared’s heart sank, she had married last Summer, was probably expecting, wanted to leave, maybe hated working here…

 

“You want to leave” he said simply and frowned at the horror that suddenly jumped into her eyes.

 

“No” she said immediately, “…god no, that isn’t why I want to… oh Jared”. She slumped down in her chair, her expressive blue eyes swimming with tears, her hands grasping her coffee mug so tight her knuckles were white. Jared was immediately concerned, what was wrong, was she ill, did she need money, they had money, and they supplied health insurance, they could help, Jensen and him, they would see she was OK.

 

“Tell me” Tell me why you are crying Lizzie, tell me what is wrong…

 

“It’s Liam”, Jared stood, knocking coffee, eyes scanning for his other son, he assumed he was at someone else’s house, assumed that…

 

“Liz…” he asked worriedly. Liz immediately saw the fear and panic in Jared’s eyes and cursed herself for wording the start that way.

 

“Jared, he’s fine, he’s napping, he’s exhausted, he has had a bad day”

 

Jared knew all about Liam’s bad days, the temper, the tantrums, how tiring he could be, into everything, climbing and running, not listening, and sometimes the screaming, and the not sleeping. He was a difficult child, not as easy to love as Jamie, not as easy to hold; he refused to cuddle, didn’t like to be held. Still he was loved. Deeply and irrevocably, Liam had carved a sticky, mischievous little boy sized space in Jared’s heart and in Jensen’s. His affection for his parents was clear, when he gave it, so simple so sweet, but so very rare.

 

“What is wrong Liz, is he ill, do I need to get Jen home?”

 

“Jared, I think… I think maybe we need to take Liam to his paediatrician for tests, his nursery has talked to me, they think maybe he has some special needs that you should discuss with them”.

 

“Special needs, for his tantrums, do they think he is ill? Is it something we are doing wrong?”

 

God, that was a question Jared had asked before, curled around Jensen in bed, tears in his eyes, are we doing this wrong, are we scaring him, am I too fierce, too stern, does he think we don’t love him?

 

“Jared. You and Jensen, you aren’t doing anything wrong, how can you be, you love him, unconditionally, they think…” she paused, “maybe ADD, or something else on the spectrum”, she continued to talk, he heard words, like intervention and support and others that just muddled and kicked in his head. He listened, ADD, he had read about that, attention disorder or something, did ADD explain the tantrums and the screaming, the high threshold for pain, and the dislike of affection? Did it explain why Liam and Jamie were so very different? They had put it down to the fact that whilst they shared a mother, they had had different fathers, and there had been evidence in the adoption pack of some kind of drugs problems when Liam was born. She finished talking and Jared looked up at the sudden stop in noise, his coffee cooling in the mug, the cookies lying uneaten, and not for the first time in their relationship he wished Jensen were here.

 

“I will…” he started, “… we will… I mean I’ll phone Doctor Moloughney now”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

With her soft Irish accent Dr Moloughney was a calming presence. She was also oblivious to the fact that Liam was climbing the bookcase, intent on reaching exactly what, no one could tell.

 

“He has his own agenda” Jensen offered to the first question, tell me about Liam. Jared just looked down into his coffee, they had agreed Jensen would start the speaking, explain about Liam, because, damn it, every time Jared had to talk seriously about their youngest son he seemed to lose the capacity for rational speech, often descending into defensive babbling, so in awe of the experts who gathered around their son. “He has single focus, doesn’t seem to be able to be distracted, I mean our eldest, Jamie, he gets distracted by the dogs, me, Jared, Liz, but Liam… he is just so focused”.

 

“Tell her about the…” Jared tailed off as he looked at Jensen miserably, his heart turning in his chest as Jensen grasped his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

 

“He… he’ll fall over, when he runs, and… I cant explain it… but he never cries… never looks at us for sympathy or for cuddles… and that is like all the time, he never searches out our affection like his brother does, but he’s a baby still…” Jensen’s words also tailed off and he coughed, emotion was thick in his voice.

 

“Does he smile at you, or look you in the eyes, offer any response to you when you talk to him”

 

“Selective deafness” Jared offered quietly and Jensen nodded in agreement.

 

“Sometimes when we call, he seems to react, as Jamie would, he’ll run to us, and for a second we think he is responding, and then we realise he may be responding to what we say but not in the right way”

 

“The right way?” the doctor prompted gently. She watched as Jared stood up and carefully waited behind the small boy currently scampering along the top of her bookcase, just in case he fell, a sudden sadness inside her. She knew. She saw this nearly every week, a desperate parent hoping it was a phase, hoping for a lesser diagnosis, she saw tears and despair, and also the most enduring of respect and affection between parents, a joint defense for their child. 

 

She knew. She had known the minute Liam had entered the room, wondered why their previous paediatrician hadn’t picked up on it. Scanning the notes in Liam’s file she listened as one of Liam’s fathers, Jensen, started to speak. He spoke of the normal that was Jamie, the complete opposite that was Liam. She listened to his hopes, heard his fears, and smiled at his stories of hope and family life.

 

She knew. She watched Liam, guessed his height and weight, checking it with his fathers, not willing to subject him to examination, he seemed stressed enough as his climbing turned into shouting. She scribbled in his age, booked him in for tests, all the time conscious that Liam did not want to be here any more than his parents did.

 

She listened as the taller man tried to encourage Liam with a book, again and again softly speaking to get his attention, never giving up, never sighing, infinitely patient with his youngest son.

 

She knew.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen sat on the edge of the bed, listening to Jared in the bathroom. He was tired and his head was spinning. Autistic spectrum disorder, ASD, Aspergers… words that meant little, medical terms, but at the heart of it, one word, autism. Autism you cant fix, you can’t heal, there is no medicine for it, no operation.

 

“How does he see his world?” Jared’s voice, lost, small, tired, leaning against the door frame of the shower room, “I mean, is his world that different, is what he sees… is it…” he shook his head, as if he could clear his brain of this train of thought. Jared was black and white, if Liam was on a spectrum of need, if Liam was somewhere between autism that could allow for integration into the world and autism that meant he would not be able to, then where the hell exactly was he. Jared needed to know, needed to know exactly how bad it was, then he decided, once he knew that, he would be better able to deal.

 

Jensen had the same thoughts in his head, his laptop open next to him, and he climbed under the covers pulling the laptop over and gesturing for Jared to sit next to him, “there is so much information on it” he said, clicking through a dozen sites he had bookmarked, “special schools, residential schools, intervention programmes, we can give him everything he needs, no differently to Jamie”

 

“We’re not sending him away Jen” Jared said defiantly, “just cos he’s different, I’ll give up my work, stay at home with him, we’ll downsize, he’s not gonna - ”

 

“Jared, stop. We are not sending him away. Look, there is a school right here in LA that can help, we’ll just go and see, it isn’t residential, it’s close to Jamie’s school, we manage that don’t we, so we can manage Liam as well” Jared seemed appeased and scrunched himself round to read the laptop screen, the same words he had heard today in bold on every site. He rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder, kissing a freckle he found there gently. Jared had spent ten years kissing that same freckle good night every night they were together, and tonight wasn’t going to be any different.

 

Jensen sighed and shut the laptop, “I’m just gonna go see the boys” he said softly, knowing Jared had only just done so, just wanting to check.

 

Jamie was fast asleep, as still as a statue, his bedding all neat around him, his bedroom looking like a bomb had detonated, normal, typical. Then on to Liam's room, with Liam nowhere in sight unless you could see the small lump right inside the quilt covers, sweat sheening his tiny body. Jensen hunkered down beside him, stroking a finger along baby soft skin.

 

“He looks like there is nothing wrong when he is asleep” Jared whispered from the door. Jensen closed his eyes and nodded.

 

No different.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

“We need a lawyer” Jensen looked up at Jared heated words seeing tension visibly running through his partner’s body, and tears, were those tears in Jared’s eyes?

 

“Jared?”

 

“I’m going to kill someone, so we need the lawyer in place”.

 

Jensen stood, collecting Jared in his arms and pulling him in for a hug. Jared had only gone to the park with the boys whilst Jensen was learning his lines. He felt rather than saw the slide of hot tears from Jared’s eyes, knew this had to have something to do with Liam.

 

“Some bitch with her perfect fucking kids and their perfect fucking dog had a go at Liam, her fucking kid pushed Liam on the floor, and somehow it was Liam’s fault, apparently he scared the other kid by shouting at him, Jesus Jensen he was just shouting, and then she had this complete meltdown, and I told her, I said he had autism, that he could do stuff that was unpredictable, and she said. Do you know what she said Jen, she said, so what, just keep him at home, put him in a home, I don’t care, just keep him away from my kid. She said that, and I wanted to kill her, for saying that when Jamie could hear and in front of Liam, and shouting at him and scaring him, and then Scribble started barking, and it was…” he drew a breath, a shuddering breath, burying his face in Jensen’s neck, his hands curled in Jensen’s shirt, “…it was too much, all too much”.

 

Jensen didn’t know what to say, startled as a small hand pulled at his jeans, Jamie.

 

“Is daddy crying?” he asked quietly, “cos he was so mad, and he couldn’t be mad ‘cos I was there and so was Liam, so instead we came home, and Scribble is hiding and Liam is rocking”. Jensen released his hold on Jared, picking up Jamie and cuddling him close, then handing him to Jared who just pulled him in for the tightest hug, whispering apologies into his neck. Liam would need help.

 

He knelt on the floor to the side of Liam, who was rocking, his little hands flapping in front of his face, his blue tshirt all mussed and dirty his pale skin flushed with heat. Talking wouldn’t help, talking never helped. Single words, soft words, firm words, but always, always, single words.

 

“Liam” Jensen asked softly, pulling blankie off of the sofa and passing it to Liam, laying it gently on his lap, “blankie” he added, watching as one hand slowly descended to curl into the soft cotton material, the other still flapping. Sighing he laid down next to Liam, gently nudging at his leg, very soft, this could go either way. Experience told them, when Liam was this distressed it either passed into peace or flared into screaming and they had strategies in place for dealing with both. Liam’s brain in sensory overload was a scary place, full of chaos and fear, so Jensen started to sing. They had discovered this, that singing the same thing, over and over again, would calm Liam, and so he sang the wheels on the bus, again and again and again, until the tension started to unravel. It was enough for Liam to eat tea, have a bath, and get into bed. Not to sleep, but at least to be in bed, some nights it was midnight before he fell asleep, and the exhaustion of the days and the nights was starting to tell on Jared.

 

Jared had bowed out of CSI, left at the end of the last series, was a stay at home dad, but it was too much and Jensen could see that.

 

When they curled together that night, and after Jared kissed the freckle, Jensen began to talk.

 

“So. I think you need to get back out there Jared, have something that defines you apart from being Liam and Jamie’s dad”

 

“I cant Jen, with Liz pregnant now, it would be too much for Liam, the change - ”

 

“I’m not suggesting a life change, just an adjustment, I’ve spoken to Eric, I’m cutting my hours, and I am not doing any more films, we don’t need the money, we need to be a family, to share all the shit, and to share all the good stuff too”. He turned to face Jared, jade eyes pleading for Jared to agree, to understand, Jared simply leaned forward and dropped a gentle kiss on Jensen’s soft lips, OK, he whispered softly, OK.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

When they went to the park next time, a full complement of Padalecki-Ackles, they went as a family. 

 

Saturday morning, park morning, came around very fast, and Jared was not ashamed to admit he was nervous of taking Liam out, he really did hate confrontations.

 

When they got there, Jamie ran off to the slide, his favourite as he slid on his belly into the sand. Liam ran to that same sand, running it through cupped hands, singing the wheels on the bus, or rather what sounded like wheels on the bus, very loudly and very, very, fast.

 

The same parent was there, Jared looked over once, before moving closer to Jensen, probably giving her something else to talk about. She didn’t say a word, wouldn’t dare. She simply gathered her kids and her dog and stalked off. Her loss.

 

Scribble and Deefur played, Jared throwing the ball, Jensen talking about Eric’s latest series and the plans for Jared’s 35th birthday, Jamie came back for juice, Liam came back for juice, Jamie ran off, Liam followed.

 

Forget the tomorrows, because today… today was good.

 

 

 

The END


	2. Because Stones Can't Swim

Title: Because Stones Can’t Swim, second part of the Liam!Verse

Author: Garvaldmains

Word Count: 3,300

Rating: Innocent…

 

Summary: Jensen has been away for five weeks filming in New York leaving his husband Jared with the kids at home. It hasn’t been such a good time for Jared and all he wants is Jensen home.

 

 

Jensen shifted the bag on his shoulder, exhaustion in every muscle, a yawn splitting his face as he moved out into the Los Angeles dawn, sunglasses firmly on his face covering fatigued eyes, and determination in his stride. He had caught a flight out of New York within hours of wrap, and it didn’t matter how much exhaustion was dragging him down, he was now only minutes from home, and the anticipation of seeing his family after five long weeks was his only focus. It had been too long, and hurried phone calls between scenes, abortive discussions between a tired Jensen and a clearly exhausted Jared, misunderstandings, distance… it was all too much. He needed to touch Jared, to reassure himself of what he had, what was real, and, as he climbed in the cab and spoke his address tiredly, excitement started to build inside him. He thought about phoning home, warning Jared he was twenty minutes out, but a small part of him wanted ten minutes peace with his husband before the kids woke up.

 

When the cab deposited him outside their house it was just past five am and the neighbourhood was deathly quiet. As quietly as he could, let himself straight into the back door, keying in the alarm code, and before the dogs had a chance to set up a barking welcome, sat himself on the floor and let them both welcome him home properly. With treats being chewed, he let himself out of the kitchen, the familiar smells of home, a single sneaker by the door, lego underfoot, it was like slipping on comfortable sweats and slumping onto a huge sofa, warm, comforting, home.

 

He avoided the fifth stair, Jared and he had learned all about that stair on Liam’s bad nights, and then before he had even taken another breath he was at the open door of the master bedroom, the dark drapes keeping out the light. Toeing off his Nikes, and shrugging off his jeans he finally knelt on the side of the bed, the dip in the mattress causing Jared to move slightly in his sleep, and as Jensen’s eyes became accustomed to the dark, he just took his fill. Jared had rolled to the left facing him, relaxed in sleep, his lips slightly parted, his face unlined by worry or stress. It never ceased to amaze Jensen just how still Jared was asleep, when he was such a larger than life character normally, and he leaned over and dropped the smallest of kisses on Jared’s lips, murmuring a hello, and cupping his lover’s face as he started to wake. He didn’t wake suddenly, he woke as if he was shaking off a dream, his eyes full of confusion, and he blinked at Jensen leaning over him.

 

“Jen?” he whispered, voice scratchy with sleep, his long arms pushing up and out of the covers pulling Jensen to him in a tight breath stealing hug. “Jen…” he said again, not sure of the words he wanted to use, just burying his face in Jensen’s neck, the early morning air cold on his husband's shirt.

 

”I missed you so much,” Jensen whispered, “I’m so sorry.” _Sorry for the phone calls, the deadlines, the arguments, the not listening…_

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They managed an hour of quiet talking, of saying sorry and asking questions, Jared not quite keeping the tension out of his voice, or even the touch of envy he harboured that Jensen had had the last five weeks away. Jensen knew, he could hear it in Jared’s voice, knew how hard it was when only one of them was here, knew that Liz being on maternity leave had to be so difficult to work around.

 

They talked a little about the boys, but in the main they focused on re connecting, just hugging, touching, loving.

 

It was actually Jamie who wondered into their room first, scrubbing his eyes and whining softly about baseball practice that he had missed the night before, yawning widely and then noticing the second man laying on the bed.

 

With a whoop worthy of a cheerleader, he threw himself at Jensen, “Dadddddeeeeeeeee.” Jensen sat bolt upright, blinking at the sleep that had encroached on his and Jared’s chatting, and quickly gathered the leaping boy into his arms.

 

“Hey you,” he said laughing; Jamie was a breath of fresh air.

 

“Papa didn’t say you were coming home…” Jamie’s voice held *that tone*, the one with the mild censure at misused parental responsibilities and Jared groaned from under the covers.

 

Jensen pushed the small wriggling child down on the bed, tickling under his ribs until he squealed, “Papa didn’t know. It was a surprise,” he said, pressing kisses onto soft little boy skin and hugging him close.

 

“Liam.” Jared said softly and Jensen faced the door, rolling to stand, to go and greet their youngest who stood quietly in the doorway, his blankie in one hand, his eyes wide with shock.

 

“Don’t look at me,” Liam suddenly blurted out, and ran from the room, Jensen standing to follow, Jared grabbing at Tshirt and pulling him back.

 

“No Jen, leave him, he’s not had such a good few days.” Jared sounded firm, almost telling Jensen what to do, and sudden exhausted regret washed over Jensen as he listened to Jared explain that Liam was just shocked…

 

“Doesn’t he want to see me?” Jensen managed to get out past the lump in his throat. “Why would he not want to see me?” _Does he not love me?_

 

“Jensen, we really need to talk, but can we just get the kids up and out the door, and then maybe talk then?” Jared looked suddenly very tired and drawn, and Jensen just nodded, pulling on jeans and pulling Jamie into a hug. He was used to them talking after the kids were in school, or in bed, or with Liz. So much of what they talked about was so intense, so focused on Liam and his needs, and neither of them wanted Jamie to hear the decisions they made about his brother’s care, not when he was only eight. He was such a responsible big brother, had been ever since the two of them had been abandoned to care, even now, safe and happy and adopted by Jensen and Jared, he still worried with big brother worries.

 

It didn’t help that Liam was such a difficult brother to love and to worry for, and it was Jared that had said he looked at Jamie and saw his childhood being snatched away from him by the worrying. So the two of them, an anxious Jared, and an overwhelmed Jensen, had spent time with Jamie, separate to Liam, trying to balance the awkwardness of knowing how to juggle the time. 

 

Liam was a little flustered, standing with his nose at the front door flapping his hands, in his uniform, dead on time to leave, with a more relaxed Jamie bounding down the stairs missing a shoe, which at the last minute Jensen remembered was by the sofa. Jared took them to school, the whole round trip only half an hour and finally it was just the two of them… just Jensen and Jared, with coffee and toast and a quiet kitchen.

 

“The school spoke to me last week. Liam’s school,” Jared started, “his stimming is worse Jen, apparently we need to work on it at home.”

 

”OK, we can do that.” Jensen had been reading a book by Temple Grandin, an adult with high functioning autism, when he was on set, and she had tried to explain that it was stress, or maybe a visual experiment that maybe explained some of the stimming that autists did. The repetitive blinking or flapping and moving fingers in front of the eyes, was maybe because he had a nervous energy that he couldn't filter from his senses and he was trying to absorb everything all at the same time. Sensory overload. She had also suggested that it could be an indication of visual processing problems and Jensen had made notes, emailing it on his iPhone just two weeks into filming.

 

“The school say stimming is good, you know, releasing the tension, is ok, but some of the stuff he does is maybe not so appropriate, and we also…” he paused, resting his head in his hands and sighing, “…we also need to address some of his personal sexual health issues, explain what he is doing when he takes all his clothes off isn’t always going to be right.”

 

“He’s not hurting anyone,” Jensen was instantly defensive of his son, “he’s only six, other six years olds run around naked.” Jared shook his head, like he hadn't already said that, like he hadn't already argued that his six year old son was _normal._

 

“The school just want us to be more… circumspect... careful around Liam, encourage him to keep his hands to himself a bit more. He strips off at school and they want -”

 

“What the fuck? The school think it is our fault? What? Because we are gay then we must walk around naked all the time, teaching our kids… shit.” Jensen stood up and started pacing, it was what he did when he was stressed. Jared watched, wondering if Jensen realised he had his own form of stimming like every _normal_ person did. It was just that pacing or doing things like doodling, they were all acceptable and sociable forms of getting rid of innocent nervous energy, getting naked and playing with yourself wasn’t.

 

“Jen, no, the school just want us to work with them, see if we can get him to stay clothed. And they want to help us.” 

 

“So have you been doing that?” Jensen demanded, not aware of what he was saying until he saw a brief flash of sadness in his husband's eyes and the small nod of Jared’s head, to indicate that _yes_ , he had been working on it. Jensen subsided into silence and sat on the chair opposite Jared, “sorry Jared, I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I’m tired…”

 

“We both are, Jen.” Jared said, almost sadly, he felt so isolated from Jensen, dealing with the house, the kids, his own screenwriting career, Liam’s autism, and the last thing he needed was for Jensen to comment on how, or even if, he was doing it right. Jensen stood abruptly again, he knew he was wrong, shouldn’t have said that, knowing how much Jared had to handle, knowing he was on his own, and in seconds he was pulling Jared to stand, pulling him in for a hug.

 

“So sorry, so, so, sorry… tell me what I can do.” 

 

Jared curled into the hug, tears that always seemed to be at the back of his eyes threatening to fall, on a daily, near hourly, basis at the moment, spilling over and onto Jensen’s shirt. He just felt so damn lonely, so sorry for himself, like he was making decisions for the kids on his own, making the wrong ones, and it hurt, and he missed Jensen so damn much.

 

“Just… can you just help me?” Jared said simply, _not help us, help me_ , and Jensen pulled back, strecthing up his head to kiss his husband, in a kiss that spoke of enforced separation and desperation to touch.

 

“This will be OK,” Jensen murmured, “I’ll try better, I will be better, I’m sorry.”

 

Jared pulled from the embrace, suddenly embarrassed that he had cried on his husband’s shoulder, feeling like a girl, feeling like he was pathetic that he couldn’t cope, this was stupid. He didn’t want to paste Jensen into a corner by making him feel guilty, he just wanted to say that he needed help, but it had come out in a jumbled mess of hysterical crap.

 

“I’m sorry Jen, what a welcome eh?” Jared said softly, regret lacing his voice “…it’s just that the last couple of weeks I found it so hard, Liam and Jamie missed you so much, and we fell out of routines, and Liam just… Liam was hard work.” It hurt both men to admit that Liam was anything less than easy, the façade they presented to the world, of coping and everything being OK, well sometimes the pretending everything was OK slipped into family life.

 

This time though, something had snapped, something inside Jared needed to scream and shout and rail, and Jensen hadn’t been there for him to see it happen.

 

“Don’t,” Jensen whispered, sliding his hands up and into long hair, tangling them and pulling Jared down kiss him gently, “I wasn’t here, I couldn’t help it, but I should have been here, we’ll do this together.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared was relieved he wasn’t at the centre of this panel, that he was here just as a writer and not as one of the stars, it meant questions weren’t dumped on him quite as often. He was sitting, commenting every so often, and then it was his turn to answer a question.

 

_”Tell me Jared, how is married life?”_

_“Married Life is good, thanks, the kids are growing fast and Jensen has just got back from filming in New York.”_

_“Must be hard to have to come away and do this for the network then?”_

_“It’s always hard to be away from my family, but it is only two days”_

 

The questions finished and Jared left the panel, crossing immediately to the back area and pulling out his cell. 

 

“Hey,” Jensen answered the phone, “how’s it going, you all done?”

 

“Mad, Jack barely made it away from panel alive.” Jared smirked, remembering the days when it had been Jensen and him that had been chased by fangirls.

 

Jensen snorted, he didn't like Jack that much anyway, he was an arrogant idiot, “poor Jack," he said snorting sarcastically, then he changed the subject, "when you home? We made cookies.”

 

“I’ll be home by eight, start the coffee.”

 

They rung off and Jared rolled his stiff shoulders, stretching his arms and touching the ceiling, feeling his spine pop and align after the enforced sitting at the panel. He still wasn’t good at sitting still, didn’t think he ever would be.

 

“Jared!”, Jared turned at the voice, Jack crossing from the drinks table, his jeans tight, his shirt loose, looking impossibly young, he was a bit of a dick, the set was stressful, he wasn’t exactly grown up, but Jared made himself not run. “That last script man, it rocked.”

 

Jared smiled, he liked it when the stars of the show, even idiots like Jack, said that, remembering times when he would play-punch Sera for making Sam cry, again. He didn’t put himself in the realms of Sera but he was good at what he did, it felt warm inside, it felt good. Which is why what Jack said next hit him hard.

 

“Good avoidance on the family question man.”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Well, it can’t be easy, someone told me your youngest son is retarded? Like I mean, do you ever wish you hadn’t adopted him?”

 

When Jared finally climbed into his car and headed west to home it was with anger so fierce it burnt inside, and with a wrist he suspected he might have broken _again._ Well shit.

 

This time they may actually need an actual lawyer.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

They worked hard to slip back into a routine that meant life was more peaceful, and they were using strategies to get Liam to understand some more of his world, using pictures and stories to explain that clothes should be on, which made for a lot of laughing when he jumped in the pool fully clothed and unconcerned.

 

They talked about touching himself only in his own room and that that is what all boys did, Jared left that conversation to Jensen, taking the dogs and Jamie to the park and hiding for an hour.

 

“When my willy gets big I have to go to my room,” Liam announced as Jared walked through the door, and Jared agreed that was for the best in his clearest _daddy_ voice. He heard a faint _ewwww_ from Jamie, who was in the kitchen scavenging for snacks, and his heart sunk, it’s all well and good concentrating on their youngest’s sexual health, but jeez, Jamie would need the same chat soon and for many different reasons.

 

His eyes met Jensen’s, and they exchanged small smiles, Jared guessing that Jensen had had the same thought and wondering which of them would be marked down for that chat.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

When the phone call came for the pilot neither man was prepared for it. Eric Kripke. The reason they had met, had a pilot and he wanted Jensen to go for it, well offered Jensen the part if he wanted it, no auditions, the character written for him. Based in LA this time, not back on the old Supernatural set, it was only a pilot, but it sounded good. Eric admitted that he wanted Jensen but knew that the man was now firmly in the land of films, and he said so. Jensen just reasoned, if Gary Sinise could do it in CSI then he certainly could, and he felt excitement in him at the very thought.

 

Jared was sitting by the bath, trying to keep his plastered, very much broken wrist, dry from Liam’s splashes, when Jensen got off of the phone. Liam was in the bath pushing Lego bricks in from the side and watching each sink or float with an accompanying _sink_ or _not sink_ each time. Jensen just watched, enjoying the quiet time, Liam was never happier than when he was in the water, and Jamie was on the Wii so he was happy too, all was calm in the Padalecki-Ackles household.

 

Jensen dropped to sit on the floor of the bathroom, leaning back against the wall, “That was Eric, new pilot, here in LA,” he summarised quickly, and Jared nodded, that was good, that was safe, that was close to here, that was doable.

 

“No night shoots,” Jared suddenly blurted out, remembering the hours the two of them had worked through the night, “can it be a happy pilot filmed in the daylight?”

 

Jensen laughed, “This is Kripke we’re talking about J, but yeah, I’d have it written in the contract. He said, he’d heard you may be contractless and that maybe you would want to come on board as a writer, if it got taken up?” Jared’s eyes widened, writing with Eric, now that would be a challenge, and one he would love to take up, and it would cover the fact that he had been _let go_ from his current contract after reducing the star of the show he was writing for, to an unconscious heap on the floor.

 

”Papa,” Liam asked softly, interrupting the quiet simple discussion, “…sink?” he pointed out a toy car, and dropped it in the water, laughing as it dropped straight to the bottom, clattering and bumping on the plastic of the bath.

 

“Like a stone,” Jared offered smiling, waiting for the next question from Liam, and wondering if maybe he should use this short time that Liam was actually asking questions to ask some himself. “Liam, why do stones sink?” 

 

Liam tilted his head, with a confused kind of expression on his face. ”Because stones can’t swim papa.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Dry and dressed in his Spiderman jammies Liam was laying back on his carpet, looking sideways at the line of soft toys he had just made, murmuring entire episodes from Dora the Explorer, including the different voices, over and over again.

 

He tilted his head back. Something was very wrong and he blinked rapidly trying to push at the tension in his fingers. Huffing he swapped the pink elephant for the cat with no tail and lay back down. That order was better. Much quieter.

 

Sleep would be hours away but it was OK, if all his toys stayed where they were and if he could get Dora out of his head he could sleep.

 

Papa and Daddy said sleep was good and he would try. He really would try.

 

 

 

THE END


	3. The House that Liam Built

Jared read from the web page, his fingers tracing each word as if he needed to emphasis what it said, Jamie standing hopefully at his side. “Marina Beach is also called _Mother's Beach_. It's a favorite of mothers with children because there is no surf. There are climbing gyms and even a pirate ship for the kids. Restaurants and hotels are next to the beach, as well as picnic shelters.”

 

“That still doesn’t mean it is OK for Liam,” Jensen worried, he was not convinced at all by the latest idea thought up by Jared and Jamie in one of their _what shall we do with our days off next week_ conversations. Only really topped in the Jensen worry stakes by the whole _living in with the monkeys _idea that the local zoo was offering.__

__

__“Daaaaad,” Jamie half whined, “there’s a pirate ship to climb an’ everything.”_ _

__

__“It’s safe Jen,” Jared added, with the other half of Jamie’s whine “look, flat sandy beach, not ocean facing,”_ _

__

__“Jamie, go up to your room and fetch your dirty laundry,” Jensen said calmly, and Jamie, with a last heartfelt sigh, clambered off of his Papa’s lap and flew up the stairs two at a time. Jensen knew he didn’t have long until Jamie was back down, and Jared knew it too, cutting straight to puppy eyes without the usual build-up. “What if Liam doesn’t like the beach?” Jensen pointed out._ _

__

__“He loves water…,” Jared stood up, hugging his stiff backed husband and grinning into his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that he was using puppy eyes at all “…we have to try Jen.”_ _

__

__“On your head be it Jared Tristan Padalecki-Ackles… and jeez, stop with the eyes, you had me at the word _safe._ “"_ _

__

__+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++_ _

__

__Has anyone seen my iPod?” Jared shouted from the kitchen, making Jamie and Jensen exchange looks of mild despair as they waited for him at the front door. Jared and his iPod, he was always losing the damn thing._ _

__

__“In the office.” Jensen called out, raising his eyebrows as a dishevelled Jared slunk into the office, emerging seconds later holding the silver iPod aloft with victory._ _

__

__“OK, good to go.” Jared said, slipping it into his pocket and grabbing the larger of the two bags. It was a military operation to get all four moving out of the house, let alone packing lunch and remembering _blankie_ and the sun cream. _ _

__

__It wasn’t a long journey to the beach and the day promised to be a hot one, with Jensen moaning that yet more freckles would be popping out by the end of the day, and cursing the fact that his husband would just go even more hazel in colour with no effort. Applications of sun cream later and Jared and Jamie had settled down to the important business of castle building, Jensen smirking at the organised and methodical way that his normally hyperactive husband was building said castle; a layer at a time, solid foundations, decorations of shells. Jamie was just one huge smile, and so, Jensen stayed focused on Liam, who was uncharacteristically quiet and was just curled on his lap keeping his toes and fingers off of the sand. Autism came with it’s own problems, a lot of them sensory, like loud noises, strong smells, and strange things to touch. Liam refused to eat scrambled eggs, apparently the texture was scratchy, which was Liam’s catch all word for things he didn’t like. Loud noises scratched him, scrambled eggs scratched him… Jared had pointed that one of them had probably used the word scratchy at some point. Maybe just to explain the labels and the wool that worried at Liam’s over sensitive skin, when they had first adopted him._ _

_____ _

____“Is it scratchy? The sand?” Jensen asked softly, his voice low and careful in Liams’s ear, wincing as Liam buried his face into his neck and nodded. They sat as close as they were for a good five minutes before inspiration hit him, and he reached over to root in the bags for the socks he knew were at the bottom. They carried socks with them everywhere; Liam put socks on his hands if he had a cut or a scratch, the only real way his dad’s knew he had ever hurt himself. Jensen lifted them out and offered them to Liam “we can stop scratchy with Mr Socks,” he said gently and waited as Liam looked at the socks, the sand, up at his dad’s chin, then back at the socks. Finally Liam took them, in all their purple stripey glory, and pulled them on his little hands, wriggling his fingers experimentally and sticking his tongue out between his lips in concentration. ____

___ _

____He still wouldn’t climb down from Jensen’s lap, leaned into the safety of his dad’s chest, but at least he started to touch the sand, hot and golden in the summer sun. With help from his dad they actually started a castle of their very own, filling the bucket and mixing in some sea water that Jared had collected, patting the base and finally upending the bucket, a perfect castle before Liam’s eyes. Well, half a castle, but still, it was perfect. Gently Jensen pressed shells and small stones into the damp sand, all the time encouraging Liam with murmured praise and odd words here and there. Liam scrambled down from his dad’s lap onto the blanket, something catching his eye, and as his dad told his papa to come see the castle he placed the shiny thing on the other side of the castle, lying down and squinting from the side as the sun sparked on the silver and sent a rainbow of colour into his eyes. ____

___ _

____Jared settled on the sand and he said how wonderful it was, and Jamie said so to, before returning to their own castle, bickering and laughing over who was tall enough to reach the top. Jensen lied back on the blanket, and Liam cuddled in, still on his side, watching lights shimmer from behind the castle through fingers half closed together on his eyes._ _

__

__Jensen moved his head to see what Liam was looking at, what was causing the silver sparks in the sun, and sighed to himself. Jared’s pride and joy. His iPod stuck at a forty five degree angle in the wet sand, the white lead dragging and trailing to the blanket. Jensen moved his hand to remove it, opened his mouth to tell his husband, then did neither, simply spooning against his son’s warmth and watching the same sparks of light that so fascinated Liam. He would hide the evidence from Jared, no one need know, it would just be another lost toy._ _

__

__“Happy.” He said softly into Liam’s ear, earning a half smile._ _

__

__Liam peaked up at his chin through his hands, nodding in agreement, and whispered. “Not scratchy_ _

__

__THE END_ _

__

____


End file.
